How will living with an elder who needs supervision affect my family and me?
When an adult child becomes the caretaker of a parent, it is a major shift in roles and can be stressful.

When you become a caregiver, you will probably find that you will have less time for yourself and other people including your family. You and your family may want to discuss anticipated changes such as:

• additional financial decisions,
• other resources for assistance,
• new household routines,
• recreational activities,
• transportation, and
• personal break time.

Caretakers need care, too
Caregiving can be a satisfying experience. But, there’s no denying it can sometimes be strenuous.

Depriving yourself of rest and recreation can sap your physical strength and drain emotional energy. Caregivers have a right, even a responsibility, to take time for themselves, to share with friends, to relax in a bath, to attend a community play, to visit church or to dig your hands in the garden.

Also, isolation can be a danger to the well-being of caretakers, so it’s important to take time for other relationships.

How can I define my needs as a caregiver?
Caregiving activities require organization. Do you need occasional respite relief? Is it easier to have a regular scheduled relief time? Do you need personal release time? What about assistance for weekly duties such as grocery shopping?

Don’t be afraid to ask for help
Try to involve friends and family with giving care even if you provide most of the care. Neighbors and friends may be glad to help when asked but may hesitate to offer. Maybe they don’t know what they can do to help, or how to offer help without interfering. You may even be unintentionally discouraging them by appearing to always have everything under control.

So, ask them for help. Be as precise as possible with what you need. For example, "I need someone to stay with Mom Friday night for two hours. Can you do it?" or "I need groceries. Can you pick up a few things for me?"

Maintain your physical health
Physical health is a key caregiver concern. Try to incorporate:

• regular physical exercise,
• relaxation exercises,
• a well-balanced diet,
• a good night’s rest,
• daily naps or break periods, and
• regular visits to your doctor.

Keeping balance: Your emotional and mental health
Emotional health is so important to a caregiver. It’s closely linked with other forms of health and its importance is often overlooked. Emotions are often conflicting and confusing. You may feel anger, guilt, impatience, helplessness, love and dislike all at the same time.

Recognize that these feelings are normal. Many other caregivers have these same feelings about their situation.

Almost every caregiver needs to talk about emotions stirred up by the job of caring for a frail or disabled loved one.

To ease tension and frustration:

• develop a coping technique,
• read for relaxation,
• listen to music,
• keep up with current events and local news,
• continue a hobby,
• talk with a non-family person every day, and
• cultivate laughter.

Finding peace: Seeking spiritual strength
Spiritual health goes by many names. But basically the term refers to the peace and strength we carry within us. Much of what supports physical, mental and emotional health also maintains spiritual strength.

Who has time for all this anyway?
That’s a reasonable question. It may be difficult to change your life-style immediately to achieve real health in every area at one. But get started. Select at least one or two areas to work on right away. Make that overdue doctor’s appointment. Accept your neighbor’s offer to relieve you for a few hours. Get going on some activity for yourself.

In other words, set a realistic goal for yourself to improve your life in some areas.

Remember, these important health activities lead to maintaining a sense of control over your time and your life. It’s when you feel "on the treadmill" that you are most likely to wear down or waste away.

Objectivity: Keeping the vision clear
Your responsibilities may seem unending. Step back and try to be objective. Contact others who can advise you about your situation and help you think about it clearly. Even finding another caregiver to talk to occasionally may help.

Social workers, clergy or counselors may also be able to help you talk about your situation and feeling. Everyone has frustrations. There are numerous ways to deal with them. Having a set, healthy pattern for reacting to tension, frustration, sadness or irritation will make a difference.